I faked an abortion last night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
