was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
