does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
