hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
