Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
