can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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