i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
