Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i came on her dog
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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