I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
