1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
