i will never coherently bang her
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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