All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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