Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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