Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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