Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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