she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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