so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
