Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
