I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
