yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Be still, my beating vagina.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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