Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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