2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
