There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You pole danced in your parka.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
