I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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