I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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