It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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