Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
