he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
