Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
