My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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