is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
