Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
