I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize