I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
