guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish I only lived at night.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
