Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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