I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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