my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you will always have a special place in my vag
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
