it wasn't lemon gatorade
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
A+ Viking dick
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
