i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
bring money and cleavage
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
