tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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