i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
