ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
