Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
