I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
