I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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