The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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