a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
