Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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