she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
