I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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