i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
